Letting Go
by EssaTheTwerp
Summary: In this one-shot, we find out why Sam had to let Leah go, and we witness as Leah herself finally lets Sam go...


I observed him as he sat on the porch, head drooping and body slumping, showing signs of his obvious fatigue. I knew that I would have to go talk to him eventually; after all, the pack had insisted I did. They were worried about him, and of course I was too, being his… sister, I guess. I was so frustrated with him… Why was he doing this? To himself, and to me? But at the same time, I could understand.

I have a fear, and I knew if things were switched around, he would too. I am afraid to date, to get affectionate with someone else… because if I do start to date, and then I imprint, then I'll be _a_ Sam. I don't want to be _a_ Sam… at all.

Because if I'm _a_ Sam… then I might understand, I might understand why he dumped me, why he chose Emily over me, the supposed 'love of his life'. And if I understand why he did those things, I don't know if I'll be able to hate him anymore.

Sure, I'll have whoever the hell I imprinted on… but I'll always have that heartbreak. I'll always have the months of depression and seclusion Sam put me through, and then, after I found out he and Emily were together, the self-hatred, the feeling that I was not good enough for him, but my own cousin was…

We would always have those promises too, the broken promises that is. He said he loved me, I said I loved him, we didn't really say it aloud, but it was an assurance that didn't need to be expressed in words.

And at the time, we really did love each other. I think that leaving me at that point was unheard of, not even considered. But then I invited Emily down, just because I was feeling down. It was one of the days when Sam wouldn't talk to me about anything, _later_ did I find out it was because of his new-found ability to become a werewolf.

And then he came. _Later_, I found out it was because he was going to take me to visit the elders, to finally tell me what he was. And when he burst through the door, beaming and full of happiness, Emily and I twisted around from our spots on the couch, and he locked eyes with me.

He strode over, lifting me up from the couch to give me a kiss. "Oh Sam!" I had giggled once he was finished. He put me down gingerly, still grinning, might I add.

"Hey Lee-Lee! God, I got some great news…" he trailed off once he saw Emily.

That was the first sign that something was up. His face looked how it did when we had shared our first kiss, how it did when we first had sex, how it did when I would say I loved him, only even happier. He was seeing the sun for the first time, or at least that's how it looked.

A bubble of jealousy ran through my veins, whywas _he_ looking at _her _like that? She was no prettier than me! I shook my head, hoping to god that he was just thinking about the time he-

And then he bolted out of the room… Just ran straight out the door as if something tragic had happened, or his worst fear was in this room.

I shuddered, just thinking about it. He didn't talk to me for three days. And then, when he finally did, he ended things. Which in turn ended my social life. I could hardly talk, because not only did he shatter my heart, he shattered my self confidence as well.

Now things were much different. We were on speaking-curly-to-one-another terms, which was pretty good. I still haven't completely forgiven him, though.

Before I could step out onto that porch and talk to him, there was one thing that I needed to do. My knees buckled just thinking about it, but I knew it was time.

I hesitated slightly before opening the door... this could be avoided, couldn't it? I could turn away, and go home, and stay there. Technically, I wasn't a part of his pack anymore, so he really couldn't order me around. But Jacob _is_ my alpha, and he _can_ order me around, and he is most definitely rooting for me to face Sam, and just let everything out…

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the screen door aside, trying to put on a brave face, but failing terribly. I cleared my throat as I neared him. His head snapped up, taking my presence in. "Can… can I sit down?" I whispered, feeling kind of awkward. He nodded slowly, realizing, too, that we needed to talk.

"Sam… we have to… to discuss some stuff." I said, a little quieter this time. He leaned back, resting his hands on the porch to support himself.

"I agree," he said simply, his voice louder then my own by a long shot. I guess he had more confidence then me, which isn't too hard to believe.

"Leah, I know that I've never said this before, but I'm going to say it now… I'm sorry. I am truly and exceedingly sorry. I know that I've definitely said this before, but I honestly couldn't help it. I love Emily, and I would do anything for her…" I winced slightly when he said this, but didn't interrupt, "but sometimes, I kind of wish it hadn't of happened. I mean, Emily would be scar-less, off with some guy, who wouldn't even have the ability to hurt her, and you and I would still be together. I would still love you, and I wouldn't have hurt you.

"I've been thinking about that a lot. How I've been in love with two different woman, and I hurt the first emotionally, and the one that I still love physically." He stopped for a second. I let everything sink in, even though a lot of what he said had hurt me.

"Listen, Leah, I still care about you… I really do… But not in the way I was supposed to. Even if Emily hadn't ever wanted to be romantically involved with me, I still couldn't have come back to you. I wouldn't have felt any lust or love towards you; because Emily was the one… she is the one.

I honestly think that one day, you'll find your own soul mate, and whoever the guy is, will make you happy… Make you forget about me, and all that I've put you through.

I think, another reason of why I left you, is because I didn't want to hurt you like that. I know I hurt you more then you can handle by not giving you an explanation for my exiting your life at first. But if I had stayed, I would have been telling you I loved you when I didn't, I would have been kissing you, when I felt nothing, I would have been sleeping next to you at night, wishing I could be next to Emily. I know that you probably disagree, but it was probably what was best for you.

We would have eventually gotten a divorce, because I would be considered unfaithful to you. Frankly, you're much better off without me in your life. " He finished, taking a deep breath.

I was stunned. I had no idea that he could possible feel this way… I guess I had been stubborn to admit, that maybe, just possibly, he did care about me… Not enough to choose me over Emily, not enough to ignore the imprint, but enough to try to help me in the only he could… by letting me go.

Now, it was my turn.

I let my head fall into my hands, willing myself not to cry… I just couldn't. Not in front of him, not now.

When Sam had first broken up with me, I remember crying more than anything else. I cried all day, all night, I would cry when I would eat. I think I even cried in the shower… It had been three and a half weeks of this endless misery when I stopped.

I was just sitting on the porch, reading one of my many romance novels (which didn't help my depression, but got me lost in a whole new, painless world) when the tears stopped falling. They just stopped. It was like I had run dry.

I had just enough tears to sob at dad's funeral, but after that… nothing. Try as I might, I just couldn't, it was like someone had soaked up all the water in my brain with a paper towel.

Sighing, I lifted my head up again. "Sam," I choked out, "I think that… that if you weren't in my life at all, it wouldn't be the same. I still loved you, even after you left me broken. I hated you for it at the same time, though. It was hard for me to actually accept that you were gone, that you weren't mine anymore.

"Actually, I thought you were going to come around soon. That you would realize you made a mistake, and come back to me, begging for forgiveness. I didn't start the real, heart-wrenching, acceptance of the matter… until Emily came…" I started crying then; I just couldn't hold it back, "came to tell me that you and her were dating.

"It was after she had gotten her scars, I remember that. I don't know why, I just do. I think, even then, for some reason whenever I looked at her I thought of you.

"I think it was because at the time, I still believe she had been mauled by a bear, a monster. Her injuries were physical, far beyond repair. She would have them forever, an eternal remembrance of the horrific incident. And then I compared her to myself. I had been hurt by a monster; too, I wasn't hurt physically, but emotionally beyond repair. I would have my own scars forever, and you were everywhere in La Push. You were with me, always, I had worn all my clothes around you, given my body to you, given my heart. It had once belonged to you, and you had given it back.

"But Sam, I think we've both been through enough. I'm bitter, and people hate me… mostly people in the Pack, and they have good reason to. You're guilty about making me so miserable, and I don't think I'm going to be able to stand that anymore.

"Sam, the torture needs to stop, for both of us. I have to let you go, no matter how much it'll hurt me. There will also be a little part of my heart that will always belong to you, but right now, I have to give it all up to someone else. I have to move on." The silence that finished my speech was eerie, making me shiver, despite my abnormally warm body heat.

He turned to me, slowly.

"Leah, you never completely left my heart, I just wanted to tell you that. I think soon, you'll find happiness, and when you do, I'll be happy for you, too." I managed to smile, even though I was in pain.

"Thank you, Sam. You gave me my first love, and I'll never forget that," I whispered. He looked sad as he turned away.

"Goodbye, Leah." He said, standing up. I watched as he walked away, farther and farther into the setting sun. It was only after he was out of my sight that I let sobs rack my body.

I didn't know that letting go would be so hard.

"Goodbye, Sam, goodbye…"

* * *

**Alright, so I hope everyone enjoyed this! The idea popped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone! **

**I think I'm going to make this a two-shot, so watch out for another chapter!**

**Also, I want to thank the wonderful Swimming cutie xoxo! She rocks beyond words because not only does she write and review, she has also volunteered to beta this! So give it up for her!**

**Oh yeah... Please review! It would make my life a hellovalot happier!**

**As always, TwilightHeart21**


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